Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
