he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
