im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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