with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
