you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
