1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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