He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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