3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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