I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
