whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
