Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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