I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
