I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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