Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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