; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
