Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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