i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
