You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
