This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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