This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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