He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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