you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
