dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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