sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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