U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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