He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he told me I talked like a deaf person
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
