Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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