Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
