if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
