Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
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If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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