he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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