i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
