do herpes really smell.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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