Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
