im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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