did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
