so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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