I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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