She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
