I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
