I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
