Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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