I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
