Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
