you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
