Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
