I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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