Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
