8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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