Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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