Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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