ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
