Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
