last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Panties = found
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