i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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