I bet he comes in French.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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