We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
