I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm really busy with my period
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