i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
