May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
