I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
