I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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