Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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