So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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