I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
