his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
