it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize