I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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