is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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