Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
