I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
