I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
