Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
