Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
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I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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