you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
