No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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