If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
