I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
