but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
