Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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