I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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